After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
