1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
where does the pee come out of this thing
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
