spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
