My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
you never un-have a 4some
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
