Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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