Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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