I wanna bring you to show and tell
too bad you live with your parents still
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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