WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
