So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
