your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize