im about as happy as oj after his trial
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
