I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
