Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
