A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
