Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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