You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
