wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
