even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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