If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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