i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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