Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize