It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I would ride that face into the sunset
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
