I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
