I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Randomize
