Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
