fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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