I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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