Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
