Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
