I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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