I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
