Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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