i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
