you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
