you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
