I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
