I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize