He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
