There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
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