wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
