fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
