My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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