hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
