he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
