all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
