Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
