Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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