you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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