It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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