We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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