thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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