I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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