i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
