i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
he just fucked me for my cheese..
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
