What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I cockslap morals
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
