remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
