just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
