I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize