You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
