get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
ugly people sure do ruin things
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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