i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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