Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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