Yo dont text me then not text me
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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