I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
you win again, gameday.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
