found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
