she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize