While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
