I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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