dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
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