Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
