apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
