I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
