I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
