And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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