she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
