I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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