hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
