Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
