i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
