Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
