So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
