Cold hands, warm shart.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
