Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
