THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
